I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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