Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
