Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
