After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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