Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
