Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
