East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
