dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
