Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
