Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
