he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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