On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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