just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize