Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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