someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
