Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
