I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
