I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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