I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
