i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
