my vag is so smooth its legendary
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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