Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
