screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
