I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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