put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
