she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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