It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
