i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
