in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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