I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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