Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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