And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
