Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
