found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
