At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
