PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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