Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
