Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
