Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
