We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
