you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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