yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
