I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize