My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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