hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
