I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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