we have officially lost it.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
