i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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