My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
