It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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