doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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