she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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