i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
