So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
