my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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