the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
