And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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