The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
