Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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