I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
