Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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