All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes