She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.