I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.