Where is the hickey?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
did i walk over a car last night?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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