I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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