The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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