I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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