Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You made out with two different species that night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
