sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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