Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's blow job season.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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